Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
