3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
