Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
