I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
