the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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