i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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