I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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