I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
