so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
