What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
