Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
