Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
