I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she told me i tasted like america
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
