I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit