used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
