Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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