sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Did I show you my penis last night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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