honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
