I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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