Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(225): View more from Louisiana

If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

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(480): View more from Arizona

There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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(440): View more from Ohio

oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

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(353): View more from

When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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(816): View more from Missouri

You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.

(1-816): View more from Missouri

So we're fucking tonight?

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(503): View more from Oregon

this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

(541): View more from Oregon

dude.

(503): View more from Oregon

yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.

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