hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
