making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
