All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
