Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
