I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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