I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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