Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
