I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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