Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
