I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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