I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
