Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
