Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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