Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
