If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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