My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
