I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
