thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
