somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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