listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
