imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize