would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
