I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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