she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
