he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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