life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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