honey bunches of taint.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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