and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
