she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
