Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
