omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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