i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
