we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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