Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
