ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I need moral support for this bender
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
