In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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