last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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