Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
