DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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