I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
