i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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