Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
