We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize