Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
