OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
