is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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