i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
