The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
