perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
