In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think your dad took our porno
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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