What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
