why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
