'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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