Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am one with the molecules
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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