Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
